TIHTYL #2: Twilight

I think I am mostly disturbed by the adults who freak out over these weird little vampires (that can apparently go out in the sun and SPARKLE).  If a bunch of 40-year-old men were walking around screeching about how much they want to do, I dunno, Selena Gomez, everyone would call them pedophiles.  But it's okay if you're women? Also, Robert Pattinson looks like a foot. 

But everyone is up in arms about these books.  I don't get it.  From what I hear, they're not even well-written. I refuse to waste a second (or a cent) to crack one open.  And, as with music, I don't have high standards for literature.  I read the entire Babysitter's Club AND Sweet Valley High series.  Of course, I read them when I was eight.  But I still reread them sometimes now.  And they're hilariously bad.  I guess I don't understand how anyone over the age of 13 can not laugh hysterically at these books... 

Because at 13, you still might believe that you can fall for a guy who sparkles, can protect you from werewolves, and will never ever want to touch your naughty places until you're married.

By 15, you should know better.  Please learn to know better, people.

Anyway, vampires don't have shit on zombies.  If Twilight were about zombies, and the series called "BRAAAIIINNNNSSS" and in the end Kristen Stewart had her brain eaten by Robert Pattinson and then Taylor Lautner shot him in the head (to destroy the brain, duh), and also Kristen Stewart/Bella had a personality...then, and only then, would I consider it.

So yeah, if Twilight was a TOTALLY DIFFERENT SERIES, I would consider it.  See, I can compromise!

God, Twilight sucks.